“Mommy, why did Becky —”
“Hush, dear! Becky wants us to get our photo taken and we need to be good little girls, don’t we?”
“But the man —”
“— the man is nice looking, isn’t he? And he’s going to take our picture, just like Becky wanted him to. He was just being silly when he told her no.”
“Well I think he’s silly now without a mouth. And his face is all melty.”
“Hahahaha! No, dear, he’s just fine! He likes it like that.”
“I don’t want to smile anymore.”
“Oh, no, dear, we must smile and be happy, because it’s a good day, isn’t it? It’s a good day!”
“I swear, Barbara, if I didn’t know better —”
“Oh, Steve, I’ve told you a hundred times already. Buckles are so yesterday. Now, smile for Lars.”
“Lars? He’s just the photographer. Since when did he become Lars? Besides, I’m not talking about the belt, I’m talking about the shirt.”
“I thought brown and yellow were your favorite colors?”
“They are, but…this pattern…”
“Oh, you silly goose! Lars said you might be camera shy.”
“I’m not camera shy! I mean, where did you find this guy?”
(whispers) “Well, what kind of photographer carries a gun in his camera bag?”
“Look, if you’re going to be such a big baby about, why don’t you try closing your eyes for the first shot? I mean, photo? You know, just to get used to it?”
“Fine, but just so you know, this is the last time I’m wearing this shirt.”
“Okay by me. Smile!”
“No, seriously, she actually believes she’s Marcia Brady. Here real name is Becky. I saw it on the contract when her mother dropped her off.”
“Seriously? That’s so weird!”
“Tell me about it!”
“She does kind of look like her, you know.”
“Are you kidding?! Her cheekbones are all wrong, for one. I mean, if anyone should know, it’s me, right?”
“Wait… what do you mean?”
“Well, silly! I’m Jan Brady, remember?”
The Crochet Berets had a minor hit with “My Little Star Bag” in 1975, reaching all the way to number 55 on the Pop charts. They sank without a trace after a DJ disproved the rumor that Erin Moran was the lead singer by showing she was on the set of Happy Days shooting the episode “Hollywood: Part 3”.
“No, see, she’s a lawyer and a mom.”
“Look, I already pitched it to Tinker and he loved it. Absolutely loved it. Said it will knock Police Woman out of the 8 PM slot on Fridays.”
"What do we have running there now?”
“Holmes & Yo-Yo.”
“Oh. Yeah. Okay, so, what’s her husband do?”
“He’s a stay at home dad, see. But he’s a dope. Can’t even run the dishwasher, overloaded sudsy laundry, one of those rag-mop dogs, the whole bit.”
“Is there a sexy divorced neighbor who has no job and always seems to be dropping by right at the most inopportune times half the time only wearing a terry cloth towel for some reason?”
(She’s a crazy one!)
(She’s just havin’ fun!)
She’s BUMP and no one’s gonna hold her down!
(And her best friend Sue!)
(And HER best friend Lou!)
She’s BUMP she’s gonna turn your world around!
Take a little magic and a groovy attitude,
Mix it up with moxie and some who-knows-what-else-too!
(She’s a crazy one!)
(She’s just havin’ fun!)
She’s BUMP, and she’s comin’ to your town!!
“No, no, no! The poisonous one is on the far left! Remember, ‘Red next to yellow kills a fellow. Red next to gray means come out and play.’ Now let’s try again. The party’s in only two hours.”
Leopardess and the Turtles scored a major hit in their native Sweden with “Skiing With My Go-Go Boots On”. Poised to take over the States, their single failed to chart because of public outrage when the record manufacturer accidentally printed their record sleeve with a workplace safety graphic. An original mint copy of “This Is What Happens When You Don’t Wear Your Leather Cullottes” now sells for over $2000.
“That Smile Award is mine, Jeannie!”
“Like fudge! I’m not letting some two-bit hack break my record!”
“You’re old school, you has-been. And wait’ll the judges find out you capped your teeth!”
“That’s a lie! Who told you that?”
“A certain Jeremy Banks. He said you’re a bad kisser.”
“He did not! I kiss that way so I won’t scratch my teeth on his braces! And stay away from my boyfriend!”
The color may have been permanent, but it had been worth it. They were heroes, the real thing. Interviews on both local TV news programs (and they got to meet co-anchor Harvey Steele – dreamy!), newspaper articles, and just yesterday a call from Look magazine! Lisa had it the worst, of course, all the way up to her hips. But they had all helped. And to think – if they hadn’t been taking a Virginia Slims smoke break from their temp job at Garwood paints they never would have heard the cries from that kid drowning in Vat 12 (“Canary Sunrise”).