Category: vintage catalogs

“No, seriously, she actually believes…

“No, seriously, she actually believes she’s Marcia Brady. Here real name is Becky. I saw it on the contract when her mother dropped her off.”
“Seriously? That’s so weird!”
“Tell me about it!”
“She does kind of look like her, you know.”
“Are you kidding?! Her cheekbones are all wrong, for one. I mean, if anyone should know, it’s me, right?”
“Wait… what do you mean?”
“Well, silly! I’m Jan Brady, remember?”

The Crochet Berets had a minor hit with &ld…

The Crochet Berets had a minor hit with “My Little Star Bag” in 1975, reaching all the way to number 55 on the Pop charts.  They sank without a trace after a DJ disproved the rumor that Erin Moran was the lead singer by showing she was on the set of Happy Days shooting the episode “Hollywood: Part 3”.

She’s BUMP!(She’s a crazy one!)…

She’s BUMP!
(She’s a crazy one!)
She’s BUMP!
(She’s just havin’ fun!)
She’s BUMP and no one’s gonna hold her down!
She’s BUMP!
(And her best friend Sue!)
She’s BUMP!
(And HER best friend Lou!)
She’s BUMP she’s gonna turn your world around!
Take a little magic and a groovy attitude,
Mix it up with moxie and some who-knows-what-else-too!
She’s BUMP!
(She’s a crazy one!)
She’s BUMP!
(She’s just havin’ fun!)
She’s BUMP, and she’s comin’ to your town!!

“No, no, no! The poisonous one is on the fa…

“No, no, no! The poisonous one is on the far left! Remember, ‘Red next to yellow kills a fellow. Red next to gray means come out and play.’ Now let’s try again. The party’s in only two hours.”

Leopardess and the Turtles scored a major hit …

Leopardess and the Turtles scored a major hit in their native Sweden with “Skiing With My Go-Go Boots On”. Poised to take over the States, their single failed to chart because of public outrage when the record manufacturer accidentally printed their record sleeve with a workplace safety graphic. An original mint copy of “This Is What Happens When You Don’t Wear Your Leather Cullottes” now sells for over $2000.

“That Smile Award is mine, Jeannie!&rdqu…

“That Smile Award is mine, Jeannie!”
“Like fudge! I’m not letting some two-bit hack break my record!”
“You’re old school, you has-been. And wait’ll the judges find out you capped your teeth!”
“That’s a lie! Who told you that?”
“A certain Jeremy Banks. He said you’re a bad kisser.”
“He did not! I kiss that way so I won’t scratch my teeth on his braces! And stay away from my boyfriend!

When the statue was first unveiled, it rece…

When the statue was first unveiled, it received almost universal derision. Standing over three-hundred-and-eighty feet tall, it dwarfed the next-tallest structure, the grain elevator on the south of town, by almost two-hundred feet. But over time, “Quilted Beige” became a local landmark, putting Harmony, Iowa on the map. “It’s an eyesore, sure,” says Mayor Bernie Banks. “But it’s our eyesore.”

“Mr. Harms, I’m… I’m afraid it’s much worse than we…

“Mr. Harms, I’m… I’m afraid it’s much worse than we originally thought.”
“You mean…?”
The doctor sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Yes. The redness of the skin has spread to her entire body now. That we could deal with, but the sores have metastasized to her skin. Most of them have already begun producing spore pockets. The next phase will be…”
“Please. Don’t tell me.”
“Have you been following the procedure we talked about? Regarding her condition?”
“Yes. I told her it was a poorly crocheted vest my mother made for her birthday.”
The doctor nodded. “Good. It will make the end more comfortable for her if she’s unaware.”
A pause. “How long does she have?”
“Given her condition? I don’t think she’ll make it into the Eighties.”

“Now, pay attention, 007; I shan’t have to explain it to you…

“Now, pay attention, 007; I shan’t have to explain it to you twice. You’ll exit the aircraft at three-thousand feet, using the attached bat-wing cowling and wireframed trousers to float onto the roof of the embassy. The safe is in the study on the third floor. Once you’ve retrieved the plans you simply remove the cowling and stride into the ambassador’s dinner as if you’re queen of the ball.“
“I don’t know…drag isn’t usually my thing…”
“How about I throw in a Maribou Shrug?”
“Done.”

“Hahhaha! (Straighten up, Gina, or you’ll blow this gig…

“Hahhaha! (Straighten up, Gina, or you’ll blow this gig for the both of us!)”
“I—*snort*—can’t help it! It’s all plaid! The coat, the pants—it’s all plaid!
“I know! But please, just this once, try to act like a professional!”
“And the shoes!”
“Gina!”