Shot by Chris Von Wangenheim for Vogue Italia, March 1970
I’ve… got… my… polka-dot tie, and I’m flyin’ so high,
Like the butterfly it’s in the shape of!
‘Cause my baby said ‘yes’, in her polka-dot dress,
And I know that we will never break up!
I had thought we were through,
‘Cause I only wore blue,
Then I switched to red and my, oh, my!
She’s now my red-hot honey in her polka-dot dress,
And I’m her fella in my polka-dot tie!
“Almost two hours! She’s been standing frozen in that pose for, like, two hours!”
“What’s she doing?”
“Beats me. Angela says she thinks she’s a robot.”
“Yes, like, a real robot. She says she saw her drinking oil in the dressing room.”
“Well, Angela says she saw it. And not Wesson, but that 3-In-One oil you get out of the can that goes pucka-pucka-puck.”
“You…you think it’s true?”
“I don’t know. But I’m not letting some android chick take all the good gigs just ‘cause she can hold a pose forever. First chance I get—”
“I…I think I hear whirring…”
Led Zeppelin at Sonesta hotel, Milan, Italy, 1971.
No, seriously, Chuck. Did I get the promotion or not? I mean, all kidding aside, you gotta level with me. I’ve been working my butt off on the Magllicutty account — two years, and no summer vacation with the kids this year just so’s I could take Old Man Magillicutty to the links, and then he runs off with some waitress he meets in the clubhouse before we can even finish the back nine. Chuck? It’s the shirt, isn’t it? Ahhgg! I knew I should have gone with Woodstock!
So, Mr. Bahnd, we finally know your true identity. Pity. I would have thought a haberdasher a far more challenging adversary than a simple tie maker.
Set in sunny California, “Perky Polyester” was the Fortrel Company’s ill-fated venture into the burgeoning Saturday Morning kid’s programming. The show seemed to have everything it needed: money, a good time slot after the Bugaloos, and the lead performance of child actor Suzee Swanson, fresh off a hit orange juice commercial (“Get your SQEEEEEEEEZE o’ sunshine!!!”). She played Perky, an overly-caffeinated kid of indeterminate age who tooled around the beaches in her magical spokeless red WonderBus having adventures with her friends. But the insistence of Fotrel’s CEO to include his daughter as the fourth member of the cast was the death knell when it was discovered she had the first documented case of being allergic to a color (yellow). Funding was pulled soon after, and the project was reworked as “Wonder Bug”.
Dr. Rodriguez rubbed his hands in glee. Yes! Yes! Success! The Invert-a-Stretch works! He did a little jig around his laboratory. Now I can have all of the tall blondes I want!